Title of the blog

Quote from Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky. (This is in the epilogue):

"Vague and objectless anxiety in the present, and in the future a continual sacrifice leading to nothing—that was all that lay before him. And what comfort was it to him that at the end of eight years he would only be thirty-two and able to begin a new life! What had he to live for? What had he to look forward to? Why should he strive? To live in order to exist? Why, he had been ready a thousand times before to give up existence for the sake of an idea, for a hope, even for a fancy. Mere existence had always been too little for him; he had always wanted more."

What have I to look forward to? Sometimes I find myself staring off into space, picturing the film of the rest of my life. I finish my studies, I publish my dissertation, I fall in love a few times, I marry, I travel, I eat, I write, I stare off into space picturing the future. And this list, this catalog of Polaroids from the future, always seems so bleak to me. So empty, so meaningless, so full of apathy. There's nothing real to hold onto, there's nothing incredible about this one small life. And I know that this is my life and it's the most valuable thing in the world to me, but I place no value on this movie. Two stars, if that. But there's only one theatre and there's only one screen; this is what we get. We get mere existence. And we hope that it's enough.